Tuesday, September 8

"And with one bound, Jack was free!" (And Bandwell. Mustn't forget Bandwell.)


To: The Guv'nor,
The Clink Doubters' Prison, Clink Street, Bankside, Southwark, Olde London Towne.

From: Judge Wrightly-Wrongly,
Chair, Northern Marshes Doubtful Claims Court.


I understand on Sept 1st last, a doubter sentenced for a string of Spring overshoot claims most heinous, made good his escape from your establishment. This individual, who answers only to the name of 'Spring-heeled Jack' has, by now, made it back to his beloved Sarf Downs, and will soon be responsible for generating many and varied fanciful claims and bestirring the locals to similar behaviour. Previously, tall tales of his ornithological abilities featured in many a penny dreadful bird report, and will now undoubtedly start up all over again, unless you ensure he is retaken soonest.

This may help you. From my judgements upon his doubtful claims, though he dons a mask and dresses most battily in public, I fully suspect his true identity to be a one Mr Wayne Bruce, of Goatham Lane, East Sou'Saxon. I have this suspicion based upon receipts obtained from Bristow's taxidermic records made out to an 'Alf Pennyworth', someone I know to be in Bruce's employ.

This 'Jack' is a great concern, for sure, but not as great a one to me as that of his cellmate, the (once Reverend, now defrocked) Bandwell Ringmore Fumblefinch, who did somehow also vanish from The Clink at the very same time.

Yours was said to be the best lock-up in Olde Englande. Your establishment's name held generic for prisons throughout our land, yet somehow not one, but two of the greatest errorists of our age have made good their escapes.

Though this past year has been enjoyably quiet, I have no doubt that the rogue Fumblefinch will soon come over all 'preachy' if not back in your custody. Double your efforts in finding him, I implore you. Treble your manpower. Quadruple any reward. He really must be stopped from launching one of his drones against a'birderdom.

Judge W-W

No comments:

Post a Comment