Monday, July 7

For so it was written, in Hebrew Characters

Well, it has been a further three and a half weeks up the Priest's Hole. Too long, far too long. My parishioners have been told I have been away on travails to deepest darkest Biru, hence a lack of burnt skin on my part. This should dupe them well enough.

I have much to catch up on, and will fill my diary most quickly but, for now, I must go through all correspondence outstanding, and in doing so, sort wheat from chaff. This last month has seen many a'birderers losing faith and filling their minds with matters lepidopteral. Camera obscura images of hawking-moffs have arrived in almost plague proportions. And by plague I am of course refering to those famous verses from The Book of Migrations, where Elvis and Skinnah freed the tribes of the Asbo-ites* from Pharaoh;

  ~10:12 And the Lord said to Elvis, “Stretch out your white egyptian cotton sheets upon the decking gardens of Tukorictac* so that moffs swarm ov'r the land and fill ev’ry single a’twitter field, ev’ry blogge, ev’ry page of the Book of Face, with images of moffs.”

  ~10:13 So Elvis stretched out his sheets over Tukorictac, fired up his gennie and lit his lamps also. And the Lord made a warm south wind blow across the land all that day and all that night. By morn the wind had brought the immigrant moffs;

  ~10:14 they invaded all Tukorictac and settled down in every area of the country in almost quite interesting numbers. Never before had there been such a plague of moffs, nor will be again. Until p'raps the next June.

  ~10:15 Moffs covered all the sheets until they appeared to be coloured rustic. Moffs devoured all that was left after the previous plague of "a continual damp-ish Spring with a bit of a chill in the air". Nothing fowle remained among tree or plant in all the land of Tukorictac.

  ~10:16 Pharaoh quickly summoned Elvis and Skinnah and said, “I have sinned against the Lord your God and against you. Now do please stop making me look at moffs,

  ~10:17 And forgive my sin once more and pray to the Lord your God to take all this deadly plague of moffiness away from me.”

  ~10:18 Elvis then left Pharaoh and dimmed his lamps.

  ~10:19 And the Lord changed the wind to a very strong north wind, which caught up the moffs and carried them into the Oceanus Brittanicus. Not a moff was left anywhere in Tukorictac.

 ~10:20 The Lord then softened Pharaoh’s heart by sending forth a failed breedering Godwitte and a failed breedering Spotteshank, and Pharaoh let the Asbo-ites go a’birdering.

*Records historic have shown that, at the time of Pharaoh, the tribes of our land were known as the Regni, the Icenii, the Catuvellauni, the Trinovantes, the Asboii and the Cantiaci. Together they were known as The Unruly Kingdoms Of Rictac  (Tukorictac) but have become etched in common folklore by their more plebeian name, derived from their loudest, leeriest, tribe; we now just think of them as the Asbo-ites.

"Suppressions 13:18
The one who has understanding must calculate
the number of the beaste,
because it is the number of a moff."
Illustration: Semioscopis avellanella


  1. My dear Reverend, me thinks that your sabbatical has lasted far too long after all Jesus only went into the wilderness for 40 days.

    A concerned parishioner.

  2. Bless you my son. Fret not. For is it not written "it is easier for a llama to pass through the beer tent of an A'birding Fayre than for any authority to keep old Bandy shtum for too long"?
    Rest assured I shall soon be throwing my theses at the church door.